Dating Anxiety

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Dating Anxiety

Entering into the world of singledom can be very anxiety producing!  For a lot of people it is a time for yourself and others to judge whether or not you are good enough.  “Am I young, rich, pretty, healthy, desirable, enough for someone else?  Anyone else?  On top of feeling like you are being judged you have to be willing to make yourself vulnerable at a time when the wounds from the last break up are likely still fresh.  With the never ending loop of “am I good enough” being in full swing it can be downright scary!

If you are having anxiety about dating then you are not ready!  It amazes me how as a rule we jump from one relationship to another.  By jumping I also include waiting 3-6 months after ending a marriage.  It takes lots of time to heal from the loss of a love relationship!  If you are anxious about dating, don’t do it!  

Instead look at why you think you have to.  Don’t cave in to peer pressure that says, “You have to get back in the game” or “to heal the last, find the next.”  Learn to be comfortable with you.  If you are saying to yourself “I am comfortable with me, I just want companionship” then you are not comfortable with you.  You have a great companion, you!  Give yourself plenty of time to heal and your effort will be rewarded with the quality of person you attract next.  

The anxiety of dating is really a fear of not being good enough.   If you take the time to thoroughly grieve the loss of the last and heal the parts of you that doubt your worthiness, you will not only stop looking but also learn to enjoy your own company.  If you can’t enjoy you, how can anyone else?  By doing this you will be in great shape to receive a partnership far better than you have ever experienced before. 

– Cynthia Pickett, LCSW, LADC

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