Boredom
Boredom and loneliness are kissing cousins. Whether we are conscious of it or not, when we get into relationships to “have someone to share my life with” or “someone to do things with” there is a boredom/loneliness issue at work. The same holds true if we start dating someone and the relationship changes how we feel about our lives and ourselves. All of the above are huge red flags that the relationship is built upon infatuation and it won’t last the distance at least not in the “it feels so right” state.
The truth is we are not bored with our partners, lives, towns, or friends, it is within us. Every emotion, every angst, unease, joy, or happiness that we feel is triggered from the inside of our being not the outside.
The rush of a new relationship can be intoxicating and exciting. But it is essential to the ongoing health of the relationship to not expect the relationship, or our partner, to fix or relieve our own personal issues.
Boredom/loneliness are spiritual issues! When we are all connected inside with ourselves, when we are comfortable in our own skin and view ourselves as our BFF, why would you ever be bored or lonely? These two emotions are symptoms of a spiritual defect.
Evaluate the boredom and work on entertaining yourself and becoming a very exciting partner for yourself. Don’t wait on your mate to make your life more exciting; you make you more exciting. Take a yoga class, join a book club, take up a new hobby, go to lunch with friends, get involved in a neighborhood organization, etc. When you are no longer bored you will then be in a better place to evaluate if you and your partner are a good fit for one another.
Cynthia Pickett, LCSW, LADC
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