Being Strung Along

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Being Strung Along

 

While I realize this site is dedicated to intimate relationships. I think it is important for this column to point out that being strung along happens not only in our intimate relationships but also in friendships and families.  All are equally destructive, disrespectful and painful.  Also, to clarify what it means to be strung along, for my purposes it is when there are not equal efforts to nurture, maintain a relationship from all parties involved.  

First it is important to realize when we are being strung along.  Sometimes it is obvious we are being treated badly and other times we are so deep into a relationship it is difficult to recognize we are being used.  Yes, used!  When we are being strung along we are being used in someone’s conscious or subconscious game of power and control.  Recognizing that we are being strung along is key to helping ourselves and changing the dynamic.  Start by asking yourself some questions.  Do you feel drained by the relationship?  Do you feel disrespected?  Is your partner, friend or family member genuinely interested in you?  Do they put as much effort into the relationship as you do?  If you answer “no” to any of the above questions, this is not an equal, respectful relationship and is harmful to your emotional and physical health.  

If you recognize you are being strung along and want to try and salvage the relationship, sit down with the person and have an open, honest, direct and respectful conversation.  Tell them how you are feeling and see if they listen and are willing to reciprocate, to work on the relationship.  If talking does not get results that feel good to you then it is time to end.  In saying this, I recognize with friends, family and lovers it is very hard to do!  

The key here is to look at your own self-respect, why are you allowing yourself to be used?  What are the hooks that are keeping you trapped?  Are you afraid to be alone?  Are you looking for acceptance?  Do you have abandonment issues?   Does your partner represent something to you such as safety, protection, or being lovable?  These hooks are baggage from the past that needs to be healed in order to break the pattern in future relationships.  By healing the hooks of the past it makes it so much easier to get yourself free!  If we don’t heal the past it keeps replaying itself over and over until we deal with it once and for all.  Give yourself a gift this holiday season, the gift of good emotional health! 

 

Cynthia Pickett, MSW, LCSW, LADC

 

 

 

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