How To Know If He Is A Keeper

How To Know If He Is A Keeper

There is never any guarantee of longevity to any relationship.  In fact the only guarantee is that at some point it will end.  I realize this is not a very romantic statement but it is the truth.  The only question is when (next week, month, year, or decade) will it end and how (nicely, bitterly or through death).  By realizing all relationships have an ending, it makes it easier to stay grounded in the reality of the person rather than the rose-colored romance.  

When deciding the course of any relationship there are ways of telling if this is short or long term.  It is all in the red flags.  A huge often overlooked red flag is, does he make you feel good about yourself?  Do you now feel complete, loved, lovable, pretty, etc.?  These are all signs of infatuation, not love, therefore a happy long-term relationship will not develop. 

Another red flag is; are you working harder at keeping the relationship together than he is?  All relationships are easy when things are going well.  But when you hit a rough patch that is typically putting things back together?  In a healthy committed relationship the answer should be both are participating equally.   

Something to look for in you, is he a project?  Most will say “no” because they want the relationship to be more than it is.  However, if you want him to change anything, then he is a project and the basis is power and control not love and like.  Ask yourself, do you want him to change how much time he spends with his friends?  How he communicates?  How he keeps house?  Do you say to yourself or others “if he would just_____”?  If any of the above is true then you are intent on changing him.  If you have a good man who is a keeper, nothing needs to change or be changed.  

Is he emotionally available or unavailable?  While the unavailable men can be attractive in a bad boy sort of way, please know it is going to be a short term play thing rather than a long term romance.  Being emotionally unavailable is exactly that, so how can love blossom?  No, it doesn’t take the love of a good woman to open a man’s heart.  It takes a man to open a boy’s heart.  

 The long-term happy, healthy partners are emotionally steady, trustworthy and honest in all endeavors with all people, great communicators about all topics including themselves and their emotions.  There is mutual respect and like for each other just as they are, no change required.   

Cynthia Pickett, LCSW, LADC